Sunday, May 22, 2016

"Generation Like" pt.2: So, You've Found out You're Being Used




So, you've found out that the same people who claim to want to make you happy are using you. The people who say that you have all the power when you shop are working their hardest to ensure that you feel you are incomplete without their product.

So, you've found out you're being used. That all these toys and cookware and latest trends and gizmos and gadgets are next to useless. That they have not, in fact, improved your life.

So, you've found out you're the exact same person. Same hair (though it may be a different color and cut), same body (though it may be covered in expensive fabrics), same face (though it may be filled with plastic). You're still you. None of these products have changed that.

So, you've found out you're being used. That none of the companies actually care about you. That all they see you as is a statistic-- a demographic that can be exploited and tricked into buying things you don't need. Only think you do.

So, what do you do now? Do you throw away all your useless junk? Do you give up shopping, fast food, gadgets, and one-time-use products you forgot you had? Is something like that even possible?

So, you've realized that you can't, in fact, live without these products. You've been taught to want-- to expect-- more. You've become aware of the ruse. You've stepped outside of it and taken a good, long look at the world. You've spread the word that everyone is being used just like you. But, no one has stopped. The world keeps spinning in the same direction. Everyone is still under the spell because no one cares to live a life that isn't full of easy solutions and products that have no real value but allow you to be a little more lazy.

So, now you know. The door is right over there. And all you have to do is take three steps to get there. But they've got you in their grasp, though they treat you like royalty. They've made you their slaves, though they've housed you in a castle. You say to yourselves, "If this is hell, kill me now!" But I say to you, "If that is hell, then imagine heaven."

"Generation Like" pt.1: Your True You

NOTE: I have based this entry on a Frontliner documentary called "Generation Like." The link to the video is below. This content is completely satirical and is meant to be taken as a joke. If you get offended easily, go home.

How do you express yourself? How are you supposed to portray to the world who you are? How are you supposed to cure every-day boredom? Well, according to Frontliners and their interview with a group of Millennials, the best way is through your online profile. In this way, these teens can become popular just by introducing their true selves to the world. So, how can your everyday Millennial create a profile and become world famous and beloved? Just follow these easy steps and you're on your way to stardom!

The first thing you will need to know is what a profile is. Your profile consists of your photo, your username, and various interesting tidbits about yourself. Your photo should be your favorite one of yourself. (Or someone else if you're looking to star on Catfish) Your photo should scream "You" in every way.

Next comes your username. You could be strait forward and use your own name, but, come on! BORING! Your username can also represent you. If you're in love with someone, make your name "Mrs./Mr. Insert-favorite-person's-name-here." If you're an animal lover make your name "insert-favorite-animal's-name-her lover insert-how-many-other-people-love-that-exact-same-animal-here." The possibilities are endless!

The information you post about yourself should be strategic. It should start out as comments featuring you that you would normally say to a person you've just met. Then it should quickly escalate into useless, disgusting facts about you that you would never tell someone in real life. NOTE: THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL! T.M.I. IS LIFE!!

Now that your profile is all set, how are you supposed to become popular and cure your boredom?

Curing boredom is easy! All you need is an ex. An ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-mailman, ex-grocery-store-clerk ex-hobo, ex-that-one-guy-you-saw-at-the-bus-stop-that-one-time-and-never-saw-again-but-vaguely-remember. Go find him or her on Face-Twitter-Chat and stalk them online! Find out what they like, what they don't like, what they had for breakfast three mornings in a row. I know what you're thinking: "How can I find out all that personal stuff about mostly strangers?" But have no fear, 'cause all this stuff is right on their page! It's all been willingly and openly posted for all the world to see in the hopes of getting likes, re-tweets and followers galore. (Ignore the fact that you have also posted this information about yourself so that any creeper can stalk you, too.)

Now it's time to make you popular! Do you like movies? Songs? Celebrities? Books? Games? YouTubers? Viners? Friends? Family members? If the answer is yes, post stuff about it! Take clips from movies and T.V. shows and loop them endlessly for no reason. Create memes about popular stuff. Tweet about the issues that matter to you; even if they're stupid or completely incorrect. Eventually people will see your content and those that agree with it will love you!

Now you have a profile and content, you're popular among total strangers, and you've cured your boredom through kinda-sorta illegal activity! I hope you enjoy your life now that it hasn't been upgraded in any way, shape or form!

Frontliner's documentary: http://www.pbs.org/video/2365181302/